Look at that grin. She’s so fucking pleased with herself.
She should be proud of herself. And that fucker who stole her bike should die in a hole. Some…Insidious goat stole my old bike, and I never saw it again, and you know what? If I EVER find out who stole my bike, my pride and joy, my family heirloom, I will Personally see to it that they can never reproduce, and that they are permanentely disfigured for the rest of their miserable fucking lives. YOU DON’T JUST STEAL SOMEONE’S BIKE YOU TOSSER. A bike is a PART of someone! anyone who is serious in any small way about cycling forms an INTENSE EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT TO THEIR BIKE, ESPECIALLY their first bike. Their first REAL bicycle. My Dad has had his old bike from highschool in a box in the garage for the past 30 years, because it’s impossible to ride. But you know what? He can’t get rid of it, because it’s IMPORTANT. Do you remember how devastated Harry Potter was when his Nimbus 2000 got smashed to bits? YEAH, MULTIPLY THAT BY 30 AND YOU’LL KNOW HOW I FELT WHEN SOME ASSHAT STOLE MY BEST FRIEND. And people depend on their bicycles! They aren’t solely recreational, these people use their bikes to commute, to live their lives! IF YOU STEAL SOMEONE’S BICYCLE, YOU DESERVE TO ROT IN THE DARKEST DEPTHS OF HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY. YOU DESERVE TO WALK BAREFOOT ON LEGOS FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE LIFE.
DON’T STEAL PEOPLE’S FUCKING BICYCLES YOU COMPLETE AND UTTER MICROPHALLIC, CARMINATIVE, SACRILEGIOUS LICKSPITTLE. MAY YOU ONLY EVER EXPERIENCE AXILLISM IN THE BEDROOM FOREVER MORE.